I'm not satisfied..

Tonight I was just thinking about the game and where I stand currently at the game. I'm not completely satisfied with where I am, I'm not stopping here. I'm going to keep pushing forward. I remember grinding in 10nl and saw these cool guys playing higher stakes, and I was wishing that I want to be there. And I realize that I'm dipping down as far as my passion for the game. This is because I'm starting to be in a comfort zone, and I'm just loosening up and not really trying to keep my hardest to keep improving.

Anyways, it's 5am in the morning. I was playing for the last 3 hours. I was playing 2 tables of short handed against guys that I felt probably had a slight edge against me. I stayed and played because I wanted to challenge the flow. In their minds, they were exploiting some of my tendencies and I wanted to see if I can beat that, while of course making it a good learning experience. They were showing me exactly what I wanted to see, they were floating me and raising me in position. I know what they were doing and It made me think of ways to re-exploit what they are exploiting of me. Basically I was playing heads up against couple of those players.
I ended up probably losing like 2 BIs to this one guy who I suspect is not even a regular, just kind of a guy with some tricks. And I broke even against an obvious regular, I suspect he's a decent winner in FT. He outplayed me in a lot of pots, almost as I felt I was being leveled a couple times. Of course it was easy when you have the right type of hands versus my holding, but I give him credit that he was good. The other guy, I think if I keep playing him for a long time, I can probably get the best of him because I found many ways to exploit him also.

Even though I made a couple questionable stack offs, the 200nl games that I was playing helped me stay almost break even for tonight. I think that's a pretty big blessing. Though I didn't really care, I was willing to take some risks. There's a very very thin line between being a complete spewtard and being successful at what I'm trying to do. I think I'll make it, there'll just be a bit of variance involved.

My goal is not just be a solid regular in 2/4 but I'm aiming way higher than that. This was my original plan and I'm sticking with it. The only problem is the time constraint due to classes, but I'll try to manage.